Heavenly Pudding

I've been debating for several weeks now on whether I would share something so deeply personal. But I have decided to. I need to. 

I can’t believe it’s been a year. A whole year since my dad lost his fight against cancer. The pain has subsided just a bit over this time, especially knowing that he isn’t suffering anymore. No more shitty chemo. No more drugs. No more being an invalid. And that’s good because my dad hated being dependent on anyone.

My dad and I have always been extremely close. I would say nobody in the whole earth has loved me that much. We understood each other like no one else, probably because we were so much alike.  Both hard working, creative, slightly opinionated and very stubborn.

My dad was the smartest person I know. He was a doctor, a surgeon, he saved thousands of lives. He remembered every single name of his patients. He went to Africa to help people, even when he wasn’t feeling really well. He asked me not to be a doctor. He knew how hard it was to see people leave us. Even more when they wanted to live.

My dad was an excellent storyteller. He knew the best stories ever. He knew all the stories and made everything seem interesting. My dad was also an incredibly good writer. He left a book with 2 chapters left to be written. He asked me to finish it. And I’m not sure I am able to cope with such a responsibility. 

My dad was an amazing musician. He played the guitar. He had a band. He was the singer. And I was his number one groupie. When I was a child he sang me songs every single night until I fell asleep. Stroking my hair. Looking after me. Loving me. 

My dad was the best granddad. He deeply loved my children. I remember him playing with them in the hospital. With all those cables. Not showing one iota of pain. And this is how they will remember him. Smiling, strong, courageous.

There’s nothing worse in this world than watching someone you love so much slowly slip away and not being able to do a thing about it. And I was here. And he was there. And that’s fine because I needed to look after my own family. And because there’s nothing I would had been able to do to retain him. 

I had the chance to tell him how much I love him. And he told me how proud was of me. And he cried. And so I did. Still do it. Quite often. Maybe too much.

And then I took a plane on my own. Leaving my family here. The longest trip in my life. And I would never be more grateful to my two best friends, who travelled hundreds of miles to pick me up from the airport to make my journey a bit better.

He was in the hospital. In his hospital. The hospital to which he devoted his time, his efforts, his life. Sleeping. Tender. Warm. He waited for me. Then he stopped fighting. And let himself go. Forever.

There’s not a single day that I don’t think about my dad and miss him like crazy. Sometimes I even speak out loud voice telling him about my day, my worries, my dreams. And I wait for a sign. But nothing happens. Nothing but silence. 

And I look to my kids and I can’t imagine them feeling like I feel. This sad. This empty, as if I were missing a piece. I know he’s still with me, but it’s just not the same here anymore without him.

I still have your guitar and will keep it safe. And I promise I’ll try to finish your book. 

I love you with all my heart.

Paloma.

This week I have prepared his favourite pudding. I'm sure he will like it, wherever he is.

WHAT DO YOU NEED

For the pudding

7 Egg Yolks
3 Eggs
430gr Sugar
250ml Water

For the Caramel

100 gr Sugar
1tsp Water

WHAT DO YOU DO

Preheat the oven to 170C.

To make the caramel, spread out the sugar in a saucepan and put on a medium heat. When the sugar starts melting at the edges and change its color from white to golden, add the water and stir continuously. Set aside.

Now is the turn to the syrup. Mix the water and the sugar in a deep pan and bring to boil. Stir until the syrup makes fine strands of sugar. This will take 15 minutes approx. Tip: to know when the syrup is ready, let the sugar to drip off a wooden spoon and if forms long, thin strands, it is ready. Let cool for 5 minutes.

Line the tin molds you are going to use with the caramel.

Beat the 7 egg yolks with the 3 eggs to combine. Then, slowly and carefully, pour the syrup while whisking nonstop. Once mixed together, strain and pour the mixture into the prepared tins.

Now is the time to prepare the molds before putting them in the oven. To do so, cover the tins with kitchen paper and then with tin foil. This needs to be done carefully to avoid any water to come into the pudding while cooking in a bain-marie.

Place the moulds in a larger baking tray and fill with boiling water to make a water bath. Place in the oven and cook for about 45 minutes.

Once the puddings have set, remove the moulds from the oven and leave to cool.

Finally, remove from the tins and serve. Make sure to scrape as much caramel from the tins as possible, this is with no doubt the best part.

Decorate with mint leaves, pine nuts or whipped cream. This pudding is really rich, so small portions served individually will be appreciated.